A few nights ago, around 11:30pm, I was rifling around for some food despite needing to be in bed as I always seem to do. Anyways, I got a thought regarding dreams and creativity, and I realized that I have quite a few of these thoughts every night. I am sure a lot of you have similar thoughts to me regarding our creative paths and choices, so I thought I would make a blog post series called “Midnight Thoughts” where I post rambly posts on different topics about creativity and writing.
Lately I have been having a bit of anxiety about my upcoming last year of high school because it means applying to scholarships, universities, and ultimately piecing together my life. I’ve never had a problem with that though, because I have always wanted to write and have known that. Whether that means writing books, short stories, magazine articles…whatever works, I just want to write. While the path of a writer isn’t clearly defined, with lots of different road along the way…I still knew the steps I could take to kind of find my way. So that part is okay, but then I realized I was feeling anxious because I was confusing the validation of my OWN dreams with what other people considered “realistic dreams” that I should aspire to. Writing is not the easiest dream to chase, and I think most of us here have realized that pretty quickly. Personally, as a younger student who still lives at home and depends on her parents, I can afford to pour (almost) all of my energy into chasing this dream without having to worry about putting food on the table, paying for rent or other utilities…I don’t have to do any of that yet, and everyday I work hard so I am not taking it all for granted because it won’t always be like this.
However, recently when I have been sitting down to get work done, this little voice in my head questions the validation of my dreams based on how those around me, and those in general, feel about them. What I mean by this, is that lately I have been wondering what the point of being a writer is, and the point of pursuing it. Millions of stories are already out in the world, some untouched and some beloved by people from all around the world…why does the world need MY story? The journey to even a small success would be tiring and long, so what was the point? Why face all the struggle that it brings, and not just my own inner struggles, but those that the people around me bring as well. All the self-doubt and questioning and struggle…was it all worth it?
The answer is yes. The world needs your stories, and in the end the struggle and hardship will all be worth it as long as you are following your passion and dreams. I know all this, but sometimes I need a reminder because self-doubt and hesitation are strong, they can filter out the positivity when you need it most. I am always surprised when I feel like this because in previous years I rarely felt this way. Overall, I am a stubborn and ambitious person who doesn’t let the opinion and thoughts of others stand in the way of my own dreams and ideas. But sometimes something gets past my “stone hard” barrier and negativity finds a way to trickle in. That is okay though, it is good to question yourself, but only if you can manage to turn all of that hesitation and doubt into more drive and passion.
All I can say on how to diminish this annoying voice and mindset is to keep moving forward. Keep writing, keep creating, and never stop. Watch YouTube videos that inspire and motivate you, listen to creative podcasts and read blogs (like this one!). Just keep moving forward and never stop because if you do, the creative monster might get you. The creative monster feeds on your creativity, keeping it for itself so don’t slow down, pour all the energy you have into your projects and scare off the creativity monster with your ambition and determination to follow your dreams, and remember their validation.
Anyways, that is all for this rambly post and I hope you enjoyed! Let me know how often you question the validation of your dreams, and how you get over that negativity in the comments below!
I also wanted to say that tomorrow is day 1 of the Biannual Bibliothon! Whooo! This is a week long readathon that has reading, video, social media, and blogging challenges, so expect a week full of blog posts based on the different challenges they have. I will also being doing daily updates so stay tuned for that as well.
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